Jul 14th
Yeah – strange title for a blog that focuses on how people use social media. I know. I’ve been writing about being transparent in the last few posts, so it’s about time I practice what I preach.
Here it is.
Today Amy and I finalized our disillusionment (actually it was about 24 minutes ago – how’s that for real time?). Some of you know that this has been in the works for about a year now. The legal process tends to take some time, especially when you have a child. I was proud that she and I came to terms on our own and split custody 50/50. That was actually the easiest part and we were very fortunate.
Changing
Here’s what’s a little unusual.  She and I have had a better relationship since we separated than we ever did as husband and wife. Amy now loves John. I love Sarah. All of us are friends, and are working on regular dinner 
plans when John gets out of the service and back to Ohio.
Amy and I have Kaden. Sarah has Jacob. Jacob’s dad lives in Guyana, but that’s another story and not mine to tell you.
The point is that we all get along and no one has hard feelings. We’ve become accustomed to this sort of “Brady Bunch” lifestyle of a family.
Products of Divorce
My brother and I, like a ton of other millennials, grew up as products of a nasty divorce. I can remember being the only kid in my first grade class who’s mommy and daddy didn’t live together anymore and were always fighting. That was 1986.
Mom and Dad ended their marriage when I was 5 years old.
For years, Nick and I were stuck in the middle of competing agendas, hurt feelings and animosity. My parents didn’t mean to make it that way. They just didn’t know any better. At age 25, what do do any of us know about who we are or how we should navigate life? Thinking back, it was because of that experience as a kid, that Amy and I made a choice to let go of our anger. It was about three months into being split that we had that discussion in the parking lot of PTMS.
Amy knew what childhood was like for me, and so we opted to do what was best for our son – stay civil, stay respectful, stay in communication, and stay working as a parenting team. Sarah and John both get that and play game. We are grateful for them and their understanding of the situation.
Preventing Social De-Penetration
I’ve talked about Altman & Taylor’s Social Penetration Theory in a previous post. Part of that theory deals with how people end relationships by putting layers back on the proverbial “onion”.
Social de-penetration is one of the factors that I believe, causes so many tough situations for young kids who’s parents are working through separation or divorce or disillusionment.  As the relationship onion layers come back on, disclosure and open communication between the two parties comes to a grinding halt. That result is that a lot of lawyers make big bucks helping disgruntled couples mediate the remaining communications.
The End
When I tell people this story, I often get weird looks. I guess its against the norm for divorce to end on a positive note. Maybe the millennial generation, with our new perspective, will be responsible for changing the norm. We seem to be a generation that is pretty good at that sort of thing.
What do you think?
PS – To Amy: If you read this, it was a good run. And while I have some regrets, they are all of my own mistakes. I’m glad we are friends. I’m glad you are Kaden’s mom, and I’m glad we still get to play on the same team.. 
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